Paula Bianca Fernandez

Edition XXXX

Train Ride - by Paula Bianca (Photo by Alfonso Scarpa).jpgPhoto credit: Alfonso Scarpa

Train Ride

By Paula Bianca Fernandez

I hate commuting
that’s why I live near my workplace
where I can just walk by the lake
or sometimes in the basement
where cars are parked –
the shortest path.

but when I do,
it takes me back
to the night I met you.
the night, I remember,
I just wanted to drink wine
so I passed by the familiar bar
in the basement.

I sat at one corner of the bar-
the bartender facing me
a stranger behind me
no one in my left side
and there you are in my right-

you’re murmuring something to me
while I was deep in my thoughts
I told you I was writing a poem about dying
but I doubt that you heard it
because you kept talking to me
and never stopped staring at me
until you asked me if I want
to go upstairs

I remember your blue eyes
begging me or have I mistaken
begging for seducing?
I did not answer.

but I found my dress on the floor
of an unfamiliar bedroom instead.
I forgot if it’s the red one, the orange one
or my favorite one.
I can’t keep track of which dress I wore
on those countless sleepless nights,
or did I even wear any?
because I can feel the white duvet
on my bare skin while thinking about
my unfinished poem
or did I in fact finish it?
if not, I want to write a poem about dying.
again. Or
if it would mean I am still living.
or should I take the longest path?
or should I start riding the train?

Edition XXIV

To The One That Got Away- You Never Left Me - by Paula Bianca Fernandez (Photo by Ben White)Photo credit: Ben White

To The One That Got Away; You Never Left Me

By Paula Bianca Fernandez

You were my distant star, looking out for me while I was chasing my own happiness.

And when I have found mine, you have found yours as well.

You were like a memory kept in the deepest part of my mind.

I am aware that it exists yet I have accepted that it’s not right to dig up.

Funny how you were the constant reason to my what ifs yet you were the only answer to it.

You were the best man  I never had the chance to spend my life with.

You were my home where I don’t belong.

You were my Prince Charming that I almost had.

You and I were a fairy tale that ended before it began.

I was never yours and you were never mine.

And “we” will never be “us”.

You never left me.

It was me who left you.

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